


To Be Home

by idrilhadhafang



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Drug Dealing, Father-Son Relationship, Forgiveness, Harmful to Minors, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Past Violence, Poe Dameron Needs A Hug, Pre-Star Wars: The Force Awakens, Protective Ben Solo, guilty Poe Dameron
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-25
Updated: 2020-07-01
Packaged: 2021-03-04 06:20:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,193
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24918985
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/idrilhadhafang/pseuds/idrilhadhafang
Summary: Five years after he runs away from home, Poe Dameron returns to make things right.
Relationships: Poe Dameron/Ben Solo, Poe Dameron/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 1
Kudos: 5





	1. Prodigal Son

**Author's Note:**

  * For [LieselSolo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LieselSolo/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Life Paths and Doubts](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24901279) by [LieselSolo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LieselSolo/pseuds/LieselSolo). 



> Disclaimer: I own nothing. 
> 
> Author’s Notes: TW for brief descriptions of violence, young people seeing stuff they shouldn’t. 
> 
> LieselSolo gave me permission to write a sequel to her phenomenal fic about Poe as a spice runner. I hope you like it, Liesel. As for Poe having that Take Me Instead moment, I thought it was in character for him. There’s a small moment in TFA that I think really defines his character, when Kylo orders the village massacre — when Poe’s being escorted away, he’s begging Kylo to stop and spare the villagers. It says volumes about Poe, how much he’s willing to try and help even a bunch of people he doesn’t know. Poe’s not perfect, obviously; he does have moments of poor judgment, but he genuinely loves people enough to defend them even when he doesn’t know them. 
> 
> Pretty powerful stuff right there, isn’t it?

The question after leaving Kijimi was where to go from here.  
  
Poe knew that he had to head back to Yavin IV, of course. That was the most logical course of action. That was what he needed to do. To speak with his father. To reunite. The truth was, Poe didn’t know where he would even start. He probably had speech after speech in his head admitting that he was wrong. The question was how he was going to handle it. Everything that he was going to say.  
  
First, he had to see Ben. To apologize for everything. To tell him the truth. Even as he landed his shuttle, he got out of it, taking in the sharp morning air. The air seemed quieter and cooler than Poe thought it would be.  
  
There was the sloping path. The sturdy building where Ben’s Academy was. A pit of panic in Poe’s stomach formed; what if Ben didn’t want to see him? What if Ben didn’t forgive him?  
  
Then a figure emerged, a figure dressed in a white tunic and breeches, and it ran towards Poe. Ben. Poe thought, almost irrationally, of those meadow runs in holofilms. Why was he thinking about that? And Ben — he could remember seeing glimpses of him growing up, glimpses of him going from a kid to an adult. Ben was eighteen, but the way he looked at Poe — it was like he couldn’t believe Poe was here, with him.  
  
Poe thought he knew the feeling.  
  
“You came back!” Ben said. “I knew you would.”  
  
“Of course I did,” Poe said, smiling. “I promised.” His smile faltered. “Ben...I let you down. I let everyone down. I ran away like an idiot because I wanted to make — ”  
  
Ben held up a hand. “You don’t get it, do you?” he said. “I forgive you. And your dad...I’m sure he forgives you too.”  
  
Poe nodded. He didn’t know how much he believed. If his father could forgive him. Some of the things he said — if he could smack his sixteen year old self upside the head, he would, he truly would.  
  
“You ready to see your dad?” Ben said.  
  
Poe nodded, shakily.  
  
***  
  
Luke took them both there. They caught up, Ben and Poe, and it felt good to just laugh again. There was something about the crinkles around Ben’s eyes, like even his eyes were smiling, that Poe was drawn to. This boy, this man, who looked at him like he was still wonderful even though Poe had kriffed up so badly...  
  
“Kes will be glad to see you,” Luke said. “It’s probably been too long for him.”  
  
Poe walked up towards the door, knocked, feeling like this was do-or-die.  
  
The door opened. Kes was there. Poe spoke. “Dad,” he said, “You don’t deserve to have someone like me for a son. Kriff, I don’t deserve to have someone like you as a parent — ”  
  
Kes cut him off by hugging him so tightly that Poe could swear he was crushed against the older man’s chest. If Luke was about to make a snarky comment about Kes needing to let Poe breathe, he didn’t say anything.  
  
“I didn’t do everything right,” Kes said. “But I’m damn lucky you’re my son.”  
  
“I — you don’t know what I’ve done...” And Ben didn’t either. There was so much Ben didn’t know that he’d done, all because he thought he was helping people.  
  
“Poe, none of this was your fault,” Kes said firmly. “That woman in charge of the spice runners...she tricked a sixteen year old into doing what he did. Lied to you about it.”  
  
“I know.” Poe took a shaky breath. “I just feel like I could have been...smarter.”  
  
“You were a child,” Kes said. “Children...children are easily trusting. That’s the thing.” Poe could have sworn that he saw Ben shift uncomfortably beside him; what was on his mind? “That woman, Delia Glass — she lied to you. It wasn’t your fault you were tricked."  
  
“I suppose.” Poe could remember some of the worse times in the group. Delia, whipping a guy who didn’t get the right amount of credits on his shipment. Poe, seventeen, almost wanting to be put in that guy’s place just because the way he was trying not to scream hurt Poe as much as it hurt that man...  
  
“She made you watch?” Ben’s voice, outraged.  
  
Poe almost hated Ben and his uncanny ability to read minds. He could remember, other stuff — another whipping, Poe rushing forward only for Zorii to stop him. “Don’t play hero, Spice Runner,” she’d said, and it was clear she didn’t want him to get hurt either.  
  
“Yeah.” Poe swallowed. “She talked about...using spice for medicinal purposes.”  
  
“It can be,” Kes said. “But I think that woman was using it to manipulate you into criminal activity.”  
  
Poe nodded. “She’d punish anyone who failed and stepped out of line. I...I still wish I’d been able to help them...”  
  
Ben hugged him. Poe sighed. “I don’t deserve that,” he said. “But thanks.”  
  
“I knew you were too good a person for them.” Ben said. “I just did.”  
  
Ben withdrew, and somehow, Poe knew he didn’t deserve any of this. Here he was, though. Surrounded by his best friend, a family friend...and his father.  
  
He was home.


	2. Overboard

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Protective Ben is protective.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing.

The truth was that having Poe back — having Poe back was the best thing that could have happened to Ben. Seeing him there, in front of Ben, alive — it was something that made Ben unable to help looking at him with anything but relief that he was here. Right here, right now. The fact that even when Poe had left, Ben still idolized him.   
  
Still loved him.   
  
It was easy to think of him as a friend. Now, Ben wondered if it was something else. Come to think of it. If it was the matter of developing a childish crush on Poe.   
  
That was all it was. A childish crush. A childish crush that made it certain for Ben that he would take on anyone who dared to suggest Poe was a monster.   
  
He kept denying it even as Dion Ronnix laid into Poe. “What do you expect?” he was saying to his sister, who snickered at what he was saying. “Dameron’s nothing but a common farmer. Nothing special. Go figure that someone from such a nothing background would grow up to be such a loser...”  
  
That. That was probably the point where Ben...well, it wasn’t even like seeing red. It was more, he thought, like he could feel his brain whiting out in rage. Seeing white? Maybe that was more like it. Like a sun overheating, boiling over...  
  
“Say that again,” he growled at Dion.   
  
“Well, if it isn’t his loser friend deciding he can’t mind his own business,” Dion said. “He sells spice and you still defend someone who’s for all intents and purposes a murder — ”  
  
When Ben’s rage cleared, he found Dion lying on the floor in a crumpled, whimpering, bloody heap, the Voice whispering in Ben’s ear to kill Dion and end his slander...  
  
“What in space is going on?” Uncle Luke said even as he rounded the corner.   
  
***  
  
Of course, Dion was taken off to medbay. Luke spoke with Ben. “I thought you were better than this, Ben,” he said.  
  
“He insulted Poe.”  
  
“What did he say?”  
  
Ben told him. Luke sighed. “Reintegrating into society doesn’t mean people will easily forgive you.”  
  
“But he was groomed — ”  
  
“Unfortunately, some people tend to have a black and white view of the galaxy when it comes to these things.” Luke sighed as he spoke. “It wasn’t Poe’s fault. You’ll find a lot of Dions in life, really, and your goal is just to...not be one of them. To be the counterexample. Be an example of kindness, not cruelty.” A beat. “Anakin Skywalker once said that his mother said that the biggest problem in the galaxy is that no one helps each other.”  
  
Ben nodded. “That’s not the only problem, but I like them both.” A beat. “I think I would have liked them both. If they were still alive.”  
  
***  
  
Ben contacted Poe later over hologram. He didn’t tell him about Dion; he didn’t want to hurt Poe, or get Poe worried that Ben had gotten into a fight. But Poe seemed to be trying to adjust to the new Academy. “Some people don’t like me,” he said.   
  
“They’re idiots,” Ben said. “I like you.”  
  
“Well, they’re allowed to have their own opinions...”  
  
“Yeah. And I have the right to say they should shut up and stay in their hyperspace lane.”  
  
Poe smiled faintly. Then, “You really think the best of me, don’t you, Ben?”  
  
“You’re a good man.” Ben swallowed as he spoke, trying to change the subject. “Your classes are good?”  
  
Poe told him stories. And Ben felt, for a moment, like they were back in better times before Poe had run away. Before things had gone wrong.


	3. Tai Zordani, Matchmaker

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tai helps out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing.

After Ben’s beatdown of Dion, entering the Academy was relatively normal — aside from the whispers, and Dion’s bandaged nose, and Dion being more than a bit skittish.   
  
So not quite normal.   
  
Even though Ben knew he should probably regret it, he took some degree of satisfaction in knowing that Dion was looking at him with some degree of nervousness. Son of a schutta should be nervous, Ben thought. Son of a schutta was right to fear him.   
  
Tai spoke to him later. “You hurt Dion,” he said. “You shouldn’t have done it.”  
  
“To quote a justification older than flimsiplast, he started it.”  
  
Tai sighed. “It was about Poe, wasn’t it?”  
  
“It’s not fair!” Ben exclaimed. “Dion’s done some awful stuff when he was sixteen and he hasn’t...talked badly about himself. And Poe was groomed and manipulated and abused, and he’s so strong and kind and wonderful and I...”  
  
Tai’s eyebrows rose. Then, “Ben...do you love him?”  
  
“Of course I do; we’ve been friends since we were kids and...” Ben paused. At least his moments of wanting to protect this beautiful, talented person made sense. At least his moments of wanting to make him happy made sense. Friends did that too, but Ben swore that instinct, that feeling, scratched its way to the surface. Scratched, and scratched. Like he would fight off Poe’s monsters and accusers one by one, even if it killed him.   
  
“It’s something else,” Tai said. “Ben...tell me about him.”  
  
Ben took a deep breath. How did he say everything that was wonderful about Poe in a few sentences or more? “He’s kind,” he said. “Kind beyond measure. When he was out doing his spice runner business, he actually gave some of his emergency rations to people who needed to eat. He’s funny — I mean, he’s witty and sharp. He’s brave — he would have taken punishment meant for a stranger just because he could. He’s tough and clever, and he...people just devalue him. People don’t see him. They just want simplicity, they just want to blame a child for being manipulated so they can feel better about themselves.” A beat. “And Poe...it wasn’t even like he went into the spice business to hurt people. He wanted to help people and classist sons of schuttas just...just...”  
  
“You could tell Poe how you feel,” Tai said. “Or more simply, less dramatically...you could just ask him to do something with you. A drink, a holo...”  
  
“Like a date.” Ben sighed. “I just want to get it right, Tai. What if I mess it up?”  
  
“I don’t think he’ll care about you any less,” Tai said.   
  
***  
  
Ben contacted Poe later. Poe looked tired from his classes, but there was a smile playing at the corners of his lips that Ben liked seeing even as Poe described his professor for history. “I mean,” he said, smiling broadly, “I already knew a bit because you’re a Mandalorian Wars fanboy, so...your knowledge came in handy when we were actually discussing tactics and such. I think they’re starting to warm up to me. A bit.”  
  
“They better,” Ben said.   
  
Poe shrugged.  
  
“I’m serious. I mean...you deserve better. And speaking of which...” Ben took a deep breath. Something like this shouldn’t have felt filled with the fear of rejection. “Poe...how do you feel about me kidnapping you?”  
  
“If you want to kidnap me,” Poe said lightly, “Don’t announce it in advance.”  
  
Ben laughed. “It’s an expression. Though maybe ‘launching a rescue mission’ is more like it."  
  
Poe laughed as well. Then, “So...where are we going?”  
  
“I was thinking a holo,” Ben said. “Whatever you want.”  
  
“Benjamin Bail Solo, are you suggesting we play hooky?”  
  
“I see no reason why not,” Ben said.   
  
Poe looked thoughtful. Then, “I’m worried about kriffing up my attempts to reintegrate, but...you know, it’s just a holo.”  
  
“You deserve to have fun, Poe,” Ben said.   
  
“Yeah. And spending time with you...I love it.” Poe smiled. Ben shouldn’t have felt light and happy at those words, and that smile. “Tomorrow?”  
  
“Tomorrow. Assuming,” Ben said, “I can get away from my uncle for a while.”


End file.
